tonight

tonight i wanted to read my new sabrina book. i wanted to read it twice - once with the words as image, once with the words as text. i wanted to fall into sabrina's life as i try so much to understand my own. i wanted to dive into the rich colors, the deep questions. immerse myself in her honesty. and along the way, i knew i would be thinking of questions of my own. and i wanted those, too.

however, tonight i painted. laure came over, and we covered the kitchen table with newspaper, and we painted. for hours. we worked on the candle holders. she finished her cake topper. paint, paint, paint. we painted past the time i thought i was painted out. and it was good.

embrace the opportunities set before you. they may not be what you had planned, but dive in and enjoy.

messy thrilling life HAS ARRIVED!

he came while we were at lunch. i jumped up, let out a slightly understated yawp, and ran to open the door for him. in just a couple of short minutes, my new sabrina book was in my hands. and already, i love it.

"...and how all the while our life, this big messy thrilling life, is waiting for us step into, to dance to, to write about and to live." - sabrina ward harrison, messy thrilling life

messy thrilling life countdown - day 8

"she had hoping eyes that looked farther than she knew." - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

yeeeeeaaah!

my sabrina book shipped today! *dances* just 5-9 short days until i can feast my eyes on messy thrilling life goodness!

messy thrilling life countdown - day 9

"trust yourself. leave ripples." - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

messy thrilling life countdown - day 10

"what am i holding in so tightly? has too much passed to even begin to share what hurts so much?" - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

messy thrilling life countdown - day 11

"how can all these parts of me be one?" - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

some true spidey sense

i heard on the news today that there are enough spiders in the midwest that i'm never more than 3 feet away from one.

in the paper today:
- on an equal weight basis, spider silk is twice as strong as steel
- spiders have 48 "knees": 8 legs with 6 joints on each
- a jumping spider can jump up to 25 times its own body length
- there are more than 30,000 kinds of spiders worlwide
- most spiders have 8 eyes, but poor vision
- a spider's heart can beat up to 200 times a minute

messy thrilling life countdown - day 12

"sometimes the bravest things are the most simple in the end." - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

messy thrilling life countdown - day 13

"sometimes i break" - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

messy thrilling life countdown - day 14

"don't turn against you. i think it is about giving ourselves permission to not have the answers. to not be 'all done' - to not understand why." - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

messy thrilling life countdown - day 15

"i am going to italy for myself. to heal my hurting insides. undo the knots. and reach my arms up to the sky." - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

coming clean

alright, so "carlo & the pacemakers" doesn't exist, but must everyone be so gullible? :)

messy thrilling life countdown - day 16

"i need this solitude. just hearing the sound of the pencil move across the paper." - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

agenda accomplished

1. bank - check.

2. drug stores - check and check.

3. lunch - check.

4. grocery store - check.

5. wal-mart - i decided against it. i got what i needed at target.

6. fashion bug - check. would you believe i tried on 3 skirts & didn't even buy 1?

7. glasses - half check. i have an appointment for an exam. that's as good as i could do.

8. mall - i decided against it. clothes for the wedding will wait.

9. target - check. although mostly disappointing.

10. dinner - check. pizza... yum! garlic sauce, grilled chicken, crispy bacon & spinich.

11. tomorrow's dinner - check.

12. tomorrow's dessert - no check. maybe i'll make it tomorrow morning.

13. laundry - check & no check. i got some done, still have more to do.

14. post accomplished list - check. :)

today's agenda

1. go to the bank

2. go to the drug stores. yes, both drug stores in town. one for more gauze, one for more drugs.

3. make lunch - mmmm, chili dogs!

4. grocery store.

5. wal-mart.

6. fashion bug.

7. get new glasses.

8. mall.

9. target.

10. make dinner - pizza? maybe. i wish there was a good chinese place on the way home from the mall.

11. make pizza casserole for lunch tomorrow after church.

12. make yummy peach dessert for after lunch tomorrow.

13. laundry.

14. post an "agenda accomplished" list. :)

messy thrilling life countdown - day 17

"i feel like a cannonball before it is shot into the wide sky." - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

another innocent artist leaves for vacation...

rumor has it tom still likes us.

messy thrilling life countdown - day 18

"trust what is beyond our sight." - sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

i think i may...

i think i may buy a button maker. no, not the buttons that hold your pants closed. the buttons you pin on your shirt. i suppose the more proper term is a "badge maker" or a "badge press". it's something i've wanted off & on for quite some time. wouldn't it be fun to make your own silly pins & give them to people?

i think i may go back to wearing contacts instead of glasses. any opinions?

i think i may start going to bed at a more reasonable hour, simply so i can wake up more refreshed and more alert for my time with God in the morning.

i think i may have the opportunity to get together with two wonderful young ladies this weekend. and that very much excites me.

i think i may have another person who wants to go prom-dress-bowling with us. yay!

i think i may have just posted MY 100TH POST!

where are all the streamers & confetti? :)

messy thrilling life countdown - day 19

"remember to stay out of your own way, and what is yours will come to you" sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

is fear keeping you from sleeping?

then the quantum sleeper is for you!

monica brought in bagels for all her super cool artists. i shall eat one now. yum!

messy thrilling life countdown - day 20

"...why did we all start wearing black in the '90's? RECOLOR. put the color back on." sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

oh, Lord, give me strength. i know that You are in control. i know that all of this everything is in Your hands. i'm scared of falling apart, yet i know i'm not the one holding anything together anyway.

messy thrilling life countdown - day 21

"yesterday i was disintegrating. there is so much pressure i put on myself to feel different than how i feel. to be more joyous, complete, loose. sometimes i feel the 'thing' i'm trying to give the world. sometimes i just don't give it to myself." sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

power? what power?

see that little button down there that says "i power blogger"? yeah, i'm not feeling like i'm powering much of anything right now. worn out? yes. stressed? yes. powerful? not so much.

messy thrilling life countdown - day 22

"i said to him, 'you seem like you didn't miss a beat.'
he looked at me and said, 'sabrina, i've missed so many beats i've made a rhythm.'"
sabrina ward harrison, spilling open

messy thrilling life countdown - day 23

"sometimes i waste too much time worrying about being hurt and it doesn't protect me." sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

hey melissa...

follow this link and scroll down to "dragon". click it. it will reveal to you the mystery of the trogdor.

messy thrilling life countdown - day 24

"i don't have to 'rush to keep moving' to avoid the loneliness." sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

friday the 13th

so we celebrated friday the 13th today at work. or at least we used friday the 13th as an excuse to have a bit of a celebration. i'm all for finding an excuse to have a good time. and work seems to be one place where scheduling a good time needs to happen as often as possible. i made strawberry pretzel salad - which isn't a salad at all, i don't think - and it was pretty good. the pretzel crust was a little over-cooked, but not burnt. and i didn't have two packages of strawberry jello, so i used one strawberry and one strawberry-kiwi. HOWEVER, i did use strawberries that i picked with my mom (who's the best) last year instead of store bought ones. and the cream cheese/cool whip/sugar layer was absolutely superb. i love those layers. any dessert that contains a layer with cream cheese & coolwhip is dynamite in my book.

i volunteered to make a cake for monday. we're going to celebrate mike's birthday. i haven't made a cake for quite some time. i think i need to plan this one out... it needs to be fun & exciting. mike's just that kind of guy. perhaps i could make it a sheet cake, but shape it like trogdor... that would be quite funny. completely not understood by mike & everyone else at the office, but still it would be stinkin' hilarious. a trogdor cake. that would rock.

you know what else would rock? having a pet monkey who rode a unicycle.

messy thrilling life countdown - day 25

"knowing someone else's life is passing away makes me want to show up for living now - not 'then' when 'things' are taken care of and the weather is warm. TODAY. i have a chance to make a difference NOW. i have a chance to help heal some of my own broken places and hopefully someone elses. WE MUST REALIZE THAT WHAT WE DO MATTERS. our love matters TRULY." sabrina ward harrison, spilling open

king of polyesther

i'd go bowling in a prom dress. when we going?

messy thrilling life countdown - day 26

"i've been waking up less alive these days. it scares me. i haven't been free. sorta numb to life or really myself. concerned - pain soaking in." sabrina ward harrison, brave on the rocks

messy thrilling life countdown - day 27

"sometimes i serge with power.
sometimes i am unable to buckle down my euphoria.
sometimes i feel really terrible.
sometimes i want to go home.
sometimes i hate my body.
sometimes i want someone to love all my faults.
sometimes i don't want anyone to look at me.

sometimes i don't say what i feel.
sometimes i regret what i did..
sometimes.

sometimes i wish i was six."
sabrina ward harrison, spilling open

messy thrilling life countdown - day 28

"i know bravery is a choice." sabrina ward harrison, spilling open

thanks, but...

while i do appreciate the makers of tylenol & its many uses... i do wish my mom wasn't having to use it to keep her fever down. *sigh*

messy thrilling life countdown - day 29

"oh this is what i need in love: spinning in the sun and laughing really silly hard. I need desire and "ahh's" and i need to be told brave true words. I need myself just as i am. I need my voice. I need a partner who will giggle and cherish me to my bones. i need real, real, real genuiness and i need strength. i need true loving gestures & lots of drawing on the floor. i need honest dinner time talking. i need to be met halfway. i need to feel needed. i need to surrender. i need to feel understood. i need to not be mocked when i am being real. i need true kindness and love that glows brightly." sabrina ward harrison, spilling open

messy thrilling life countdown - day 30

30 days until my new sabrina book ships. we shall celebrate with 30 days of sabrina quotes. because it's my site & i want to. :)

"i find myself comparing a lot - thinking 'oh i should be more like her' 'he is less like him' la la la. but when i let go of the world all around me and breathe into me as i am - i can love much more truly & completely. when i can accept myself i can accept the ones around me. and be still." -sabrina ward harrison, spilling open.

call the housing authorities

i think i may have just demolished an actual spider condominium complex the was being built in my basement. yech.

updates!

the photo pages are updated! yay! i added about 40 photos, more than tripling the amount i had originally. i know that makes you all very, very, excited.

next on the list is updating the paint pages with my stuff from my watercolor class. yeah, it was like 3 months ago... but if you've never seen 'em, they're still new. :)

AND i need to add some links to my link page. more blogs to read! yay! as i told a friend last night - i'm seriously in love with blogs. it's like a hard-core crush, except i don't want to hold hands.

puzzle of the day

unscramble each word to reveal the quip and its author:
"taucion: epca sedo ton labene ruse ot lyf." -natbam motscue gnawnir ellba

today's productivity

in no particular order:

- striped jello. red (cherry, i think), lemon & peach

- barbeque ribs & corn on the cob

- pizza casserole for tomorrow night

- a drool-worthy oreo pie for at work tomorrow afternoon. we're celebrating friday.

- almost completely caught up on e-mail. nothing older than yesterday is waiting for a response.

- gave myself a friendship back.

all in all, not a bad day. :) how was yours?

chinese food for lunch

and my cookie said "say only nice things about others, and you will never need to whisper"

advanced notice...

i started processing some photos to update my photo pages under the "art" button up there on the link bar. how excited are you? :)

now if my juice drink packages would just finish drying i could make some craftiness & show you that, too...

i will not borrow someone else's drama

it is not necessary for me to get worked up over something just because someone else is worked up over it.

i will listen. i will offer advice if they want it. i will pray with them & for them.

but i will not allow myself to be consumed.

random snippets of the past week

a. having a clean kitchen really does feel good.

2. slow progress is still progress.

3. i've never been more grateful & felt more blessed to still be living in my hometown.

4. my dinners may not taste as good as when mom makes them, but they still taste pretty good.

5. not turning the gas up all the way when lighting the grill helps that "ball of flames that singes the hair off your arms" feeling go away.

6. two days of hanging out with mom & watching massive amounts of tv isn't a bad way to spend two days.

7. picking up a fantastic book for a couple of hours is good for a tv-fried brain.

8. it is not too early to think about christmas cards.

9. the opportunity to serve my mother, who has given so much time & attention to serving me over the years, is a blessing beyond compare.